Weighting for Spring

By now the whole world & their dead forefathers know that I’m at constant war with my weight. Every now & then I flip out majorly because I think I’ve put on wayyyyy too much weight.

I gymmed regularly for about 8 months in 2007-2008, lost weight & then I stopped going to the gym. Not because I thought I’d lost all the weight I wanted to…I just stopped going. And the thing with gymming is that once you stop going, it’s very difficult to go back. The thing with gymming also is that once you stop going, you tend to pile on all the weight you had lost & even more!!!!!

Needless to say, I re-gained all the weight I had lost and more.

After tremendous prodding from those who’re close to me & tremendous-er (I've taken the liberty of coming up with this word) self-motivation, I joined Talwalkar’s in Calcutta at the end of November. I went religiously for a month, worked my a** off, lost a little bit of weight, became slightly leaner and then…..

Disaster struck.

MY MOTHER CAME VISITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Need I say more?

An Indian woman who gets to see her child for say, a week, every 3-4 months will undoubtedly & relentlessly feed her child with the richest, oiliest, fatteningest ghar ka khana she can cook!

What followed my mother's arrival was 10 days of parathas (all kinds…aaloo ka paratha, gobi ka paratha, peas paratha, paneer paratha), puris, gajar ka halwa made in ghee (it’s winter after all, THE SEASON for gajar ka halwa), kheer etc. etc.

I had a situation - that of over-nourishment - which was exacerbated by the fact that December was holiday season. So there were different types of cakes & chocolates being brought into the house what with Christmas, New Year et al.

There was plum cake, rum & raisin cake, chocolate cake, dark chocolate cake, hazelnut chocolate, macademia nut chocolate, dark chocolate ya di ya da. There was no time to go to the gym...mom was here only for 10 days afterall. Hadn't seen her since Diwali (which, errrrrrr, was only 2 months ago but the point of moving to Calcutta was to be able to see my parents more frequently, right?)

As a result THERE HAS BEEN POSITIVELY NO GYMMING SINCE DECEMBER 25th. Even though mommy dearest has gone back, it’s so cold, cloudy & gloomy in Calcutta, and it gets dark so early (like, 5pm!!) that I just can’t bring myself to go to gym after work.

All I want to do is go back home, wrap myself up in a comforter with a cup of coffee/tea/hot chocolate (You see! Why can’t I just sip something like milk-less green tea or aloe vera tea or some exotic crap like that which will not only NOT make me fatter, but will also do some of the anti-oxidation/detoxification stuff it's supposed to do to my blood) & either read or watch television/movie.

This is a dangerous trend & it’s scaring me shitless because I don’t want history repeating itself so soon. So what I need is for the weather to get warmer so I stop finding excuses to miss the gym. But then I love winters, no?

I guess I love Spring as well.

Sigh….Why must life be so complicated?

PS: There are so many IIM graduates that go on to become entrepreneurs. Why can't any of them come up with a machine which can suck all the fat that you want to lose out of your body & prevent you from gaining it back ever? Come to think of it, it will be such a brilliant & useful invention. I mean, there hasn't been a single useful invention since the invention of electricity. This could be right up there with the World's Most Useful Inventions of All Times. People go around inventing useless things like butter sticks (similar to glue sticks), solar powered flashlights (didn't whoever invented it stop even for a second to think WHY SOMEONE WOULD NEED A FLASHLIGHT WHEN THERE IS SUNLIGHT AROUND???), non-stick cellotape, black highlighter pens, water-filled bras etc., and no one, not a single b-school graduate, can think of inventing something so relevant as a fat-sucking machine!!! I mean, what's wrong with this world????? I'm losing my faith in the human species.