Will They, Won't They?

Sania - Shoaib. The media is ODing on them. Their marriage is front page and “breaking” news every single day, as if there’s nothing report-worthy happening in the entire world. Bookies have ditched the IPL and are placing bets on their wedding - Rs 1.25 for every rupee if they get married, Rs 3.50 if they don’t.

The controversy has gone way beyond being absurd. It's hilarious now. I mean, who the hell ever gets married to a person he/she has never met and that too over the telephone??!! Are we living in pre-historic times? And how does marrying over the telephone work, exactly?

Then I read an article where Shoaib admitted that he went to Ayesha’s house a few times to meet her before their wedding but she was never there! Her family would make excuses for her - she had to go out of the country for some urgent work, she was having an emergency surgery yadi yada.

And he bought their stupid excuses!! Ha ha ha!!

You travel all the way to another country to meet your bride-to-be and she’s never there. Wouldn’t you be a tad bit suspicious? Just a tiny little bit, Mr Malik, not much? Didn’t a warning bell ring in your mind? Such a thing can happen once, not repeatedly. Even a dimwit will be able to see the warning signals.

Which brings me to my conclusion - Shoaib Malik is either seriously dumb or he was desperate to get married! Or both.

I think it is both. He has got to be really thick AND desperate to not have smelt something fishy in this bizarre case.

‘A’ put it beautifully. He said, “this guy is a ch***** of a different level”. It may sound crass but that’s the only word to describe Shoaib Malik. Who else will get married to a woman he hasn’t even seen, on the telephone!! I just can’t get over the hilarity of it.

I really don’t care who’s right and who’s wrong in this entire episode of telephonic shaadi (patent it Shoaib Malik before someone else beats you to it!). And now that Ayesha is claiming she also got pregnant with his child - did he even impregnate her over the telephone?? Brilliant…he should patent that as well.

If you ask me though, I think the guy could've been duped. But then, given how dumb he is/was, he totally asked for what's happening. And that's exactly what prevents me from sympathizing with him.

The question I can’t stop asking is – why is Sania Mirza getting married to this guy of all the people in the world? She is an educated, financially independent, career woman. She's a smart woman too, or at least she comes across as being one. Then why is she marrying such a stupid guy??

Maybe Shobhaa De has the answer. She thinks Sania has fallen for Shoaib’s “boyish good looks & rakish charm”.

Voila! If this is the case, I think their marriage will definitely happen on April 15th. Unless law gets in the way. Or the real Ayesha turns up! Sania Mirza is a woman in love after all, and a woman in love knows no reason, no matter how smart, practical and accomplished she is otherwise. The bookies will be better off betting on whether SRK will dance naked at the end of this IPL.

Inshallah.