Something To Be Thankful For

Read this.

Bougainvilleas

When I was leaving for work this morning, I got showered by bougainvilleas thanks to the slight, cool breeze. They weren’t orchids or roses but they were still pretty. Made the weight of the laptop on my shoulder, gym bag on my back & my handbag on the other shoulder disappear. It was a pleasant morning & I felt more or less ready to face the day, inspite of a truncated weekend.

Don’t remember when was the last time this happened, so…it was worth a post :)

Because I Worked On Saturday

I don't understand how people sustain six-days-a-week jobs. I worked this Saturday & Sunday got over sooner than I could blink. It's left me feeling like I didn't get a weekend at all. I need my two days off to retain my sanity & my life :)

I'm stressed out, tired, sleep-deprived & have been braving the onslaught of Daler Mehndi - Baba Sehgal music over the previous two nights. You see, there's a marriage hall near my house & the people getting married there over the past two nights have decided that no music is better than 'Main Bhi Madonna' type Baba Sehgal music, sung by a completely besura band of singers! Damn it, where's the night police when you need them the most??

So...this is going to be a completely useless post. Also a chick-friendly one, so if you aren't one (a chick, I mean) or not interested in one (in a chick-friendly post dahling, not in chicks :) you are best advised not to read on. Don't tell me I didn't warn you!

I LOVE BAGS & SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D

I think the humungous bags that can see almost every woman (who's not an aunty, sorry if I'm offending anyone's wives here! ) carrying these days are man's best gift to womankind.

Actually, it has to have been a woman who came up with the idea of such a big bag b/c as they say in our movies 'ek aurat hi doosri aurat ka dard dard samajh sakti hai'. Let me modify that to 'ek aurat hi doosri aurat ki zaroorat samajh sakti hai'. Yuck! I can't believe I just wrote that!!

But then I warned you this would be a useless post. Please add irreverant to that.

Anyway, coming back to the point. The big bags are unbelievably functional. You can literally carry your entire world with you! The increased style quotient is just an added bonus.

BTW...For men who always wonder (but haven't manage to find out yet) what women carry in their bags, here's a peek.... wallet, cell phone, lip gloss, kohl, pocket mirror, hair brush, wet wipes, face wash, face cream, moisturizer, mint, sun glasses....as I mentioned that's just a peek.

To the men reading this - don't you snigger! Just today a guy at work came to me asking for moisturizer!

And no, we don't carry protection, so don't assume we do. Just carry your own! ;-)

Coming to shoes, I love stilletos! The higher the heels, the better. Doesn't matter if we can walk in them or not. Stilletos make your feet look so damn pretty, they can completely change the look of an outfit. Take jeans for example...you can wear flats, slip-ons or open-toed sandals with jeans for a casual, laid-back look. Wear the same pair of jeans with a pair of stilletos & you're all set to party!

According to research (don't ask me who did it, I didn't) stilletos also enhance one's s*x life. Apparently, women's pelvic muscles get exercised when they wear stilletos and that means better action ;)

So next time men tell us we have more bags & shoes than we need, we MUST tell them that by stopping us from buying bags they are violating the perception that they are more rational than women b/c they give more importance to functionality than to mere looks, and by preventing us from buying shoes they are causing a deterioration in their own quality of life. There!

I think I'll spend whatever is left of my measley weekend reading some chick lit....or maybe watch a chick flick. Which BTW are other 'chicky' things I love. They're so much fun...the bitching, the gossipping, the fashion, the hot men, the revenge of the woman over her cheating boyfriend, her encounters with men who are 'forbidden fruit'. It all comes together in a happy ending and makes you feel that at the end of the day, women are SIMPLY FABULOUS!!!!!

How Many People Will Buy Her Yoga DVD for...Well, Yoga?

Culinary Invasion by 'The Man' :)

When I spoke to my mom today, my dad was cooking dinner!

That doesn't happen too often. My dad isn't one of those Indian men we see in advertisements who love to cook for their family, apron & a chef hat in place! For that matter, even my mom doesn't like to cook. Both my parents are BRILLIANT though "special occasion cooks"...mom would cook only if there was a special occasion in the family, during festivals or if we wanted her to make something special, and dad would cook only if he was feeling really "culinary" (if there IS such a feeling :)

Mom used to enjoy cooking strictly calorific & fattening dishes such as paneer, malai kofta, alu dum etc. and was really good with them, which explains why she didn't cook very frequently. She never liked to cook (or eat) greens, so we always had a cook for everyday meals :)

On the other hand, there were some dishes that were designated to dad. In that if we were going to have them for dinner, dad would be the one cooking them. Chicken chilly, mutton, fish, pork, keema, kebabs, tandoori etc. were completely his domain...and we used to lap up his cooking!

Today when I called he was making chicken keema, which might sound like sacrilege to mutton lovers but trust me, IT IS AWESOME if made well.

Which brings me to the point - who do you think make better cooks...men or women?

The best way to find this out would be to get Nigella Lawson & Jamie Olivier/Gordon Ramsay (who according to Paris Hilton doubles up as the Prime Minister of Britain!) to cook the same dish, wouldn't it?

Tollywood Calling

The following is a review of the Bengali remake of 'Jism' published in The Telegraph. The movie stars one of the topmost actresses of the Bengali film industry who, I believe, has also acted in a couple of Hindi movies (which I have NOT seen and therefore, do not remember the name :-)

Read it...it's H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!

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Which of the following best describes Trishna?
a) gross; b) silly c) lewd d) bawdy

All of the above!

Half-an-hour into the Friday premiere show at Menoka, the lights go out and you feel like scampering out, taking advantage of the darkness, with your sanity still intact.

Though almost a scene-by-scene copy of John Abraham-Bipasha Basu’s Jism, Pritam Jalan’s Trishna is nothing more than a sleaze fest with Tolly’s leading heroine ‘showing’ the way.

Rituparna, like Bips in Jism, grabs a man (here photographer Angshuman) by his you-know-what only to use him to murder her husband Arindam Sil and grab his you-know-what (wealth, silly).

The tale of deceit and murder begins in Sundarpur and ends on the beach of Miami (Mandarmoni, we presume), when Rituparna is a freebird and Angshuman a jailbird.

There’s a lot of Jism in terms of plot but nothing of its polish, a lot of Jism’s flesh but nothing of its fire.

Because Rituparna tries to do a Bips and ends up doing a Sambhavna Seth (and that’s an insult to you-know-who — Sambhavna, silly)

Rituparna’s Trishna dresscode — off-shoulder tops, multi-coloured tights and black underwire bra — does little to hide her not-so-toned tummy and thunder thighs when she stretches on the beach to send her paramour into paroxysms of puerile pleasure.

Angshuman, the man with plucked eyebrows and a stupid smile, lives in a room with pink walls. All he does is stare at Rituparna’s bosom and butt, rub his face against her thighs and cleavage, and make you cringe.

The songs and dialogues add to the horror. He sings Silky sona, lovely sona, Dona Dona, Madonna... and says “Tomar shorir aamar shongo chaichhe” (your body needs my company) with eyes fixed on you-know-what (breasts, silly).

Rituparna is a biological wonder — almost always in an orgasmic state, often when her loverboy is still a safe distance away. Breasts heaving, pelvic thrusting, moaning and groaning, she is unquenchable.

Trishna’s Big moment? Rituparna contorting her facial muscles and whispering: “Just grab me....”

Hiltonisms vs Bushisms

Can't believe people can be so stupid. Read on & laugh your insides out! :)


(Paris) HILTONISMS

"There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon."

"I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off’. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not stupid."

"I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries."

"Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?"

"London is my favourite city. But I haven’t been to England yet. "

"Essex? What’s that?"

"Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a Jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything." --- This could actually be one of her "Memorable Quotes though" :)

"A true heiress is never mean to anyone — except a girl who steals your boyfriend."

"I don’t really think, I just walk."

"Ever since I was little it’s what I knew I wanted to do — be a blonde icon."

"People think I’m stupid. But I’m smarter than most people."

"All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there."

"My advice to Sarah Palin is, you’ve got a hot bod; don’t keep it to yourself."

"One of my heroes is Barbie. She may not do anything, but she always looks great doing it."

"I pledge to support the American workforce by wearing only American designers: Calvin Klein between Memorial Day and Labor Day, Donna Karan the rest of the year."

"No, I’ve not heard of a pint...what is that? Is it beer?"

"Essex? What’s that?"

(On being asked if she knew who the Prime Minister of Britain was, at a promotion event of her new reality show 'Paris Hilton's British Best Friend) "It's Gordon...Gordon Ramsay."


BUSHISMS

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"I’m telling you there’s an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That’s the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best."

"Oftentimes people ask me, ‘Why is it that you’re so focused on helping the hungry and diseased in strange parts of the world?’"

"I heard somebody say, ‘Where’s (Nelson) Mandela?’ Well, Mandela’s dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas." (On the former South African president, who is still very much alive)

"I’ve heard he’s been called Bush’s poodle. He’s bigger than that." (On former British Prime Minister Tony Blair.)

"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."

"I don’t particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, either, by the way, unless I say it."

"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." (On his best moment in office.)

"I like my buddies from west Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them when I was middle-age, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president." (While he was still President)

"We’ve got a lot of relations with countries in our neighbourhood."

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."

"Americans should be prudent in their use of energy during the course of the next few weeks. Don’t buy gas if you don’t need it."

"I’m going to spend a lot of time on social security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it’s the Mother in me."

"The United States of America is engaged in a war against an extremist group of folks."

"Because he’s hiding." (Responding to a reporter who asked why Osama bin Laden had not been caught.)

"Who could have possibly envisioned an erection... an election in Iraq at this point in history?"

"I’m honoured to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace."

"I’ve been to war. I’ve raised twins. If I had a choice, I’d rather go to war."

"I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq."

Who do you think is the better of the two? My vote is with Paris. Atleast she's not President of the most powerful country in the world! Besides, she's an "iconic blonde" ;-)

Charmed Life

My office overlooks the American Consulate. The diplomats & staff stay within the premises. Every morning, without exception, you can see their kids playing in the well-manicured, lush green garden of the embassy.

I envy them!! They play in bright sunshine all morning while I sit in front of a computer screen in an artificially controlled environment, doing work that wouldn’t have mattered to the dolphins of sub-Saharan Africa (if they existed) & being delusional about the relevance of my work!

Don’t these kids have school???

Watching them play makes me want to go down & start playing...anything! The garden with the bright sunshine is so inviting!

Remember playing ‘It’ as a kid? The game where you chase people & when you manage to get hold of someone, they become ‘It’? No one wanted to be ‘It’ b/c it would get so difficult to chase people!

Or hopscotch!

Or badminton!

Or Hide & Seek!

Remember how earnestly we used to hide behind furniture...under the bed... inside the closet...behind doors...in dark corners? And the excitement when the 'Seeker' came towards us...how fervently we used to pray that he/she is not able to find us!

Life as a kid was so much fun. All we were expected to do was go to school, come back home, sleep, play, study, have dinner & go to bed again! There were no bills/EMIs/rent to pay...there was no reason to worry about our future or where we want to see ourselves five years down the line...no deadlines to meet...no appraisals to worry about...no commitments or obligations...we did not have to worry about managing our finances...we did not have to take any life-altering decisions...Yet we cribbed so much about school & having to study after school? :)

Life was blissful then! Don't you wish we never had to grow up?

The Not So Big Fat Punju Wedding

Disclaimer: If there are any Punjabis reading this post, my request is that you do not get offended by the use of the word ‘Punju’. I use it not as a slang, rather affectionately. Besides, Punjabis seem to be an integral part of my life. I’ve had three roommates during the course of my stay in Bombay and all three have been Punjabis! That too by random stroke of luck b/c I didn't know any of them before I started living with them.

I went for a Punjabi wedding this weekend, that of a colleague. The families of both the bride & the groom are loaded, if you know what I mean, so the wedding had all the chances of being a full-blown tamasha that north Indian weddings can become. But this wedding was quite classy & subtle. It was very unlike most Punjabi weddings in Delhi which are all about showmanship.

There was no DJ at the wedding. They had light instrumental music playing in the background, with intermittent smatterings of the Gayatri Mantra.

The decorations were muted & classy. There were lights strung around & hanging from the trees but lending just the right amount of festivity to the place. The color theme was cream, powder pink & mauve, with pillars & chairs decorated with cloth, ribbons & flowers of the same colors. Not one piece of decoration was over-powering to the senses.

Surprisingly, there weren’t many people at the wedding. The men were dressed mainly in grey & black suits, or cream sherwanis. No men strutting around in blue, green, orange, red heavily-embroidered kurtas & golden dupattas. And the women...they were superbly dressed! The saris were decorative but very elegant. I couldn’t spot a single woman who was dressed over-the-top. Even the colors on display were muted & elegant….white, off-white, baby pink, fuschia, onion pink, aqua blue, teal, sea green, dull magenta. There was bling alright, but strictly under control.

The piece-de-resistance though was the bride’s lehenga. She wore a Sabyasachi lehenga that cost – hold your breath – 70,000!!! It was a beautiful red, green & peacock blue lehenga with a lot of golden embroidery on it – all mixed in a way only Sabya knows how to! I don’t know if it was worth 70,000 but it was definitely exotic. And like most of Sabyasachi's creations, you probably wouldn't like it so much when you lay eyes on it first, but you would want to look at it a second time and love it for it's sheer exquisiteness, and for the fact that his stuff is so different from that of other designers.

The most amusing factor at the wedding was the priest. He was reading mantras in Sanskrit, then translating them to English. He was also giving himself too much importance & started yelling at people, mainly the kids to behave! He kept exhorting parents to keep the kids away, he even went to the extent of being rude to the bride’s brother! He had a mike to speak into so everyone could hear the wedding proceedings, and he kept yelling at people to shut up so they could hear him speak!

I love Punjabis for their joie-de-vivre & the gregarious, warm-hearted, hospitable, fun-loving people they are. And this was a wedding I would remember not for the spectacle, but for the elegant, classy affair that it was.

Slam Bang Double Century :)

This is my 208th post. Damn it, I missed celebrating the 200th mark again! But YAY!! 200+ and still loving every bit of it. Thank you Blogger :)