Existential Angst

You know that feeling when you're dying to pour your heart out on your blog but you can't because you don't blog anonymously anymore? And your blog isn't read only by your friends but by an assortment of people? And you're now at an age where you start weighing the pros & cons of your actions and you don't let yourself get carried away.

I so miss being in my early 20s. When no problem meant the end of the world. When you were able to just get up, shrug, brush the dust off your hands and move on if things weren't working out the way you wanted them to.

Since I can't - rather won't - crib about certain things on this blog, I'll tell you what I need right now.

A gang of the most fun girlfriends!!!!

I so miss having a girl gang at times. I've mostly had guy friends right through college and my 20s, and while boys are crazy fun too they won't pull you out of an emotional crisis. Most of them at any rate. You can only crib so much to them before their eyes glaze over and they suggest you drown your sorrows in bottles of chilled piss, a.k.a. beer.

Girl friends are so much more fun. They 'understand' and they know just what works when the chips are down - a great shopping session buying things you don't need, watching chick flicks and gossipping! Ah, therapeutic!

My girl friends are scattered all over the globe now and most of them don't even know each other, so I really do miss having a "girl gang". And what I need right now is a week in Goa with my girls, lazing around on the beach in beach hats, oversized sunglasses and floral flip flops, and sipping on unlimited apple/strawberry martinis. With a game of paintball thrown in. Why should boys have all the fun?

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Life isn't all gloomy though. I just learnt that my new place of work has the most laidback dress code - jeans! Even for client meetings!! Without rips & holes though. I think I can live with that :-)

And the city I'm about to move to has the most glorious weather - 18-30 degrees (Celsius) in the summer and 5-20 degrees in the winter. I can live with that too! :D

And I've been reading a very funny book that The Knife gave me when I met him last. It's a book by Bill Bryson called 'Down Under' where he talks about all the things that can kill you in Australia. There are thousands apparently! But it also showcases the spirit, niceness and funness (?) of the Australian people. It's a travelogue but one of the funniest books I've read.

So yeah, life is good too...in bits & pieces. But why must it always be bittersweet?

A First

Never before in my life have I heard that stripping in public is a way to demonstrate one's patriotism.

Meet Poonam Pandey - the wannabe model who had promised to strip in full public view if India won the World Cup. Interestingly, she's nowhere to be seen since the victory. But she does manage to give sound bytes every once in a while.

First she said she wanted to strip inside the stadium right after the final. That obviously didn't go down well with the moral police. Then she said she was willing to strip inside the players' dressing room given BCCI's permission. The BCCI didn't agree, so now she's considering Paris as the venue!

Les pauvres Français! Thanks to their lassez faire culture, they now have to watch some C-grade model bare all.

What amuses me the most though is how she keeps insisting that stripping is not a publicity stunt but her way of showing her patriotism. Like...how? Next she'll say that she wants to sleep with all the cricketers who were part of the winning team one by one! As a way to show her love for her nation, of course.

I guess it takes all kinds.

Will & Kate

The Brits need to get a life, they really do! What's all this hoopla surrounding William & Kate's marriage?

Like any girl growing up in the late 80s & 90s, I too had a massive crush on Will. How could one not - he was a shadow of his extremely good looking mother, and with that delish smile he could make any girl go week in the knees.

But look at the way he's balding now! And how old is he? 30? Even the smile has lost its charm.


And Kate...She's pretty but have you seen the dresses she wears? All buttoned up to the neck. She's so matronly! Which is surprising since William claims to have fallen for her on seeing her in a see-through LBD that hardly left anything to imagination. But he kept her waiting forever before he proposed, didn't he? Waity Katie, as the cruel British media is calling her. Poor thing. But that's OK, she's about to become very very rich.

But why are the Brits so fascinated and obsessed with the wedding? It's two people getting married. That's all there is to it, people! So what if they're royalty? I thought kings & queens were passe. Surely, the Brits take Monarch adulation to a different level altogether. So you have souvenirs being released...everything from commemorative china to street party accessories, nail lacquer (shimmery dark blue with grey undertones, if you must know), bottle openers, key rings, coffee mugs, coasters. Even condoms which cannot be used (stupidest thing I ever heard of) and sick bags!

Sick bags? Really? Why??? And what a waste of condoms! Imagine having a pack of condoms lying about your house that you cannot use! How frustrating will that be?

My grandmother, who considers herself British by virtue of having lived in England for a fair amount of time but who's as Indian by blood as one can get, says it's a very emotional moment for Brits. Copious tears of joy will be shed. She plans to shed some of her own too, I think. And she is eagerly awaiting the telecast of the wedding on TV.

Yes people, TLC is going to telecast the entire wedding live on 29th April. What I'm dying to know is - which designer is Kate wearing?? Not another matronly gown please! Time for some scandulous skin show for the royals. I'm sure Will won't mind.

The Mile High Baby

It was definitely one of the most bizarre things that I've witnessed in my life. A woman delivered a baby on the flight I was in!!!!!

Like how?

This woman was apparently 8 months pregnant. I don't know why she was allowed to fly, don't airlines ask for a certificate of clearance from the doctor? But then, when airlines these days don't even ask for pilots' certificates, why would they bother about a passenger's?

Half an hour after take off, the woman started complaining of "discomfort". Air hostesses started panicking and announcements were made requesting any medical practitioners on board to identify themselves to the cabin crew. Luckily for her, there was a gynaecologist on board!!!!!

The woman was taken to the rear of the aircraft and she delivered a f*&^$#* baby right there!!!! Half an hour before the flight landed. And we didn't hear a scream.

I'm guessing it's not something that happens very frequently.

Thank you, Anna Hazare

What a man. I mean, WHAT.A.MAN.

Imagine the amount of selflessness it takes to go on a fast unto death for the people of your country. I was praying for his health everyday, given that he is 73 years old.

'I Am Anna Hazare' was no twiterrati movement, as the government would like us to believe. It was a people's movement that got the government to acknowledge their demands. For there can be no government without the support of its people.

Corruption is eating away at our country. Every day we open the newspapers or turn on the TV to read/hear of some scamster laundering away people's hard earned money that they pay as taxes. And the government instead of punishing them gives them a free pass to go enjoy the cool climes of England, away from the heat they would've had to face back in India.

The timing of Anna Hazare's movement was a masterstroke. He waited for the World Cup to get over so people's attention was not diverted by the game. The fact that India won the World Cup only worked in their favor - people were already high on national pride, and they were feeling an emotional void for the sudden lack of something to root for. It was the right time to strike.

I'm very proud of my country and its people for the way we've rallied around Anna Hazare, particularly the youth that came out in full force to fight for themselves. The success of this movement is a glowing example that at 1.2 billion people, India is the largest and the most thriving democracy in the world.

Thank you, Anna Hazare.

We Are the Champions, My Friends....

For the part of the world that was once colonised by the British, cricket is a bloody big thing. Particularly in India where it is often referred to as 'second religion'. And what not? Cricket in India achieves what probably no amount of cultural events, speeches by politicians etc. can - it unifies the country. The pains of living in a country struggling to raise it's infrastructure to the level required to sustain its 1.2 billion people, a country with corruption seeping out of its pores, a country where the hard working tax payers' money is routinely laundered in some or the other scam, a country which is relentlessly exploited by some (in power) to further their own gains - all cease to exist. Winning the world cup was the objective of not only those 11 men on the field, but also of the 1.2 billion people who were praying their hearts out. It gave them something to cheer about and look forward to. And that's why it bloody mattered. So thank you MSD. You need to be applauded. I really really like MSD. For one, he's a fellow East Indian. Secondly, because of his ice cool demeanour. That man refuses to crack under pressure. He absorbs it like a sponge. What he did yesterday required balls - to go and bat ahead of an in-form batsman who usually bats at that spot. But it was also a masterstroke - it ensured a left hand-right hand combination, and if he got out there was still an in-form batsman to carry things forward. And thank you Gary Kirsten. You've given us what no one else could for the past 28 years. The other man who needs to be thanked for what the Indian team is today is Sourav Ganguly. He sowed the seeds of self-belief and a fighting spirit in a team that was historically perceived to be meek and a push-over. To a great extent, MSD is reaping the rewards of what Sourav started. The celebrations after our victory were insane. Throngs of people were out on the streets wearing India jerseys, with their faces painted with the Indian tri-color and waving Indian flags. Hell, I didn't know there were so many Indian flags in the city!! And now that we've brought the cup home, the word 'feeling blue' has suddenly got a new meaning. Until 2015...

Black Swan

Is it possible to find a movie beautiful and yet not be sure whether you like it?

Black Swan is as awful as it is awesome. As captivating as it is disturbing.

Natalie Portman plays Nina, a ballerina whose life is completely consumed by her dance. She lives with her bordering-on-psychotic mother who encourages her ballet aspirations on the one hand and grudges her success on the other, and maniacally controls her adult daughter's life.

The New York based ballet company that Nina works for plans to re-produce the classic 'Black Swan' ballet, a story of the virtuous White Swan and her evil twin the Black Swan. The director wants a ballerina that can play both the swans with equal elan. Nina wants to be chosen for the role and manages to bag it, even though the director feels that she can portray the innocent White Swan splendidly, but lacks the sensuality to play the Black Swan that represents lust and jealousy, possibly due to her own sexual repression and underdevelopment.

Her obsession with perfection and paranoia about losing the part to free-spirited rival Lily (Mila Kunis), who is the personification of the Black Swan, makes her delusional. As she gets drawn into the ballet and works harder to get the Black Swan right, she loses her ability to distinguish reality from illusion and becomes progressively like the Black Swan, frequently engaging in self-mutilation that culminates in the chilling climax.

Natalie Portman plays Nina with such passion & intensity that she sucks you right into her mental hell. And if she's done all the dancing in the movie herself, hats off to her. Mila Kunis is awesome too and I wish there was more of her in the movie. I barely recognized Winona Ryder, who has a cameo of a ballerina at the sunset of her career. And how pretty is Natalia Portman?!!

As I mentioned earlier, 'Black Swan' is beautiful - it's more art than cinema, poetry in motion. It shows you how scary losing one's mind can be, and how fragile sanity really is. Yet I can't say I liked the movie - I certainly wouldn't want to watch it again. It's passionate but very intense and disturbing. It's gory, it will make you cringe. It's good cinema but something you will want to watch to get entertained. It's not a feel-good movie like 'The King's Speech' and is completely stripped of humor. Having said that, I would definitely recommend watching it for Natalie Portman and the direction.

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Well, I could write about many things of significance - the Aruna Shanbaug case, legalization of passive euthanasia in India, my annual anti-women's day post, the pathetic state of the Indian media that goes into a tizzy the minute some B-grade wannabe starlet like Kashmera Shah goes naked. But, after a day of non-stop working, handling people's emotions at work, and my own PMS, I want to write about completely insignificant and irrelevant things.

I do want to write about Kashmera Shah. That woman is so desperate for attention, money, publicity, whatever that she's shot naked for a calender while claiming that it's the real her you get to see in the pictures, with not an touch of Photoshop. So this morning a local newspaper posted a picture of her as she is, taken a couple of days ago. And she has fat spilling from all sides! Hmmm...I wonder how she's going to get away with explaining that.

As I type this, promos for the new season of Desperate Housewives is on air. To be honest, I stopped following the show after a couple of seasons. Maybe because it was aired at prime time on a weekend night when I'd invariably be out having a life. This season looks interesting - there's a new housewife on Mysteria Lane, so we can expect sassiness, catiness and a whole load of bitchiness.

I look for something interesting to watch from 9-10pm on weekdays. That usually is my TV watching hour. For the longest time there was Masterchef Australia that I absolutely looooooooved. Then they started showing the retarded 'Bachelor' series, went back to MC US for a very short while, and now they're showing some random series called 'Las Vegas' that's not even vaguely interesting. Inspite of Josh Duhammel. I'm waiting for it to get over and for them to air another Masterchef series...MC UK, maybe? Please please please!

In case you haven't noticed, I only watch Star World.

Right now the smell of mouth-watering tandoori chicken is wafting from my kitchen. No, you haven't asked but we're going carb free for dinner.

What randomness have you been upto?

'The King's Speech' & CBTL

My weekend's gone by in a jiffy. I was running errands most of the time...buying groceries, paying bills, dropping/picking up stuff from the dry cleaner, parlour (yes that's an errand too), cooking etc. I hardly got time to chill and suddenly it's Sunday evening :(

There were a couple of highlights though - a glorious Saturday afternoon nap that had more to do with the searing heat outside than anything else, managed to watch 'The King's Speech', and discovered the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in town that totally made my day!

'The King's Speech' is a must-watch movie. Just over two hours, it's slow in parts but there's never a boring moment. And what a phenomenal effort by Colin Firth. He so deserves that Oscar.

You know, every time I see such a soul-stirring performance by a Hollywood actor I really wonder whether any of our (Bollywood) actors will be able to pull off such a performance. And the answer, almost always, is a disappointing and resounding 'no'. You watch this movie and name one Indian actor who could've done as good a job of playing a person who suddenly finds himself annointed King of England at a time when he must lead his country to war and is expected to dole out inspiring speaches but who suffers from a debilitating stammer, as Colin Firth does. The director very cleverly shows a close up of his face every time he's trying to deliver a speech, and the contortions of his face to get those damn words out make your heart go out to him. You can feel his pain and anguish at not being able to get words out of his mouth. The humour is good too, if you appreciate British humour that is. Awesome movie, watch it.

And if you happen to stop by the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, do try their Philadelphia Baked Cheesecake and Brownie Cheesecake. They're orgasmic. And that, I think, is a great way to end this post. Hope you had a good weekend.

Masterchef USA

So did you watch Masterchef US Season 1?

After endless episodes of 'The Bachelor/Bachelorette' (ugh!), better sence prevailed over Star World and they decided to go back to the Masterchef series.

Now, MC America was completely different from MC Australia. It was hosted by chefs and restaurant owners Gordon Ramsay, Graham Elliott and Joe Bastianich (a tough tough cookie to impress). These people know food but they're Gary or George (of MC Australia)!

Gary & George were adorable! They were so friendly, always encouraging the contestants, giving constructive feedback...

The thing about Gordon Ramsay is that he's so jumpy and hyperactive that just watching him on TV can send your blood pressure soaring. And he can get really nasty if he wants to. But I find him hot in a strange, convoluted way. He took his shirt off in one of the episodes to switch into a chef's jacket, and that man has rock solid abs even at 43!!! I also found him to be the most compassionate of all judges - he was really patient and considerate towards Sheetal, a contestant of Indian origin who had grown up in a vegetarian home and used to find it tough to kill animals such as crabs (that she had to cook with) on the show!

Unfortunately, MC America was not a patch on MC Australia. First of all, it ended too soon (two & a half weeks I think). It got over before you could even get into the flow of it. There were no Masterclasses or celebrity chef cook-offs for immunity.

Secondly, the format was such that it didn't give you time or reason to root for a contestant. In MC Australia, everyone I know who watched the series had a favorite whether it was Marion or Adam or Jason. You felt like you knew a little bit of them, you would want them to win the challenges, and you wanted to see their dreams come true. No such feelings for contestants in MC US. No one I know had a favorite.

Third, the quality of contestants too was no patch on the Australian contestants. Those guys (Australians) were way more capable than the MC America contestants. They could whip up cuisines of any country - Mexican, Indian, Spanish, Chinese, Japanese, French...they knew it all! They could tell one Indian spice from another. The MC US contestants on the other hand could make only American dishes. They could not even make Chinese! There were no spectacular dishes, nothing you would remember at the end of an episode.

Then there was the incessant crying (Tracey who cooked only out of her mom's recipe book and would cry everytime her dish got panned by the judges), Farooq (who would continuously make a victim of himself), and cocky, arrogant Jake and Sharone who thought they were better than everyone else.

The other thing I didn't appreciate was the constant bitching and trying to put others down, among the contestants. This was just not there in MC Australia! The contestants were so friendly towards each other, respected each other, and never bitched about or spoke disparagingly about a fellow contestant even when they were speaking just to the camera.

The only nice thing about MC America was Gordon Ramsay and the fact that it put an end to the horrible 'Bachelor/Bachelorette' series!!

What did you think of MC America?