Tuesday, January 11, 2011

All About Bollywood

Disclaimer: If you're not into Bollywood you're advised to skip this post. This one's a complete timepass post. Don't say I didn't warn you!

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Bollywood gives us so many reasons to laugh. First there was Rishi Kapoor taking up the cudgels on behalf of his son because some girls that Kapoor Jr. messed around with hung him to dry. In public. On national TV. The son has maintained his silence so far, but daddy dearest fighting with all & sundry on behalf of him makes it look like the grown up son can't fight his own battles.

Then I came across this quote from Kajol: "AIDS is just a little more worrisome than a common cold and it's curable, so just go out there and get it done."

Don't believe she said that? Go here.

I've always found Kajol to be dumb. By her own admission, she's a romance novel junkie. Anyone who thrives on such trash well into their 40s has got to be surviving on a limited number of brain cells. She may be a good actress - I think she's over-hyped - but intelligence isn't one of her assets.

On the other hand Shilpa Shetty's PR Manager (don't ask me how she came into the picture) said this when reacting to Kajol's statement: "Everything is curable with love and 'real' happiness. Cancer, AIDS or common cold does not stand a chance to affect anyone if the person refuses to be affected. Rather than getting immune to deficiency syndromes, the human race needs to attempt to get immune to Dis-Ease. After all, what we dread as "Disease" is actually 'Dis-Ease'. Ease yourself with magnanimous doses of happiness, cheerfulness, abundance, love, and all 'dis-ease' will cease to exist. Even common cold!Our bodies have a natural ability to heal themselves. I guess, abounding love and happiness is Shilpa's mantra too. It's always worked for her; and worked wonders. This year, it's attracted the affection of nations all over the world and come back to her manifold."

We'll move on when you stop laughing. But not without saying this - what's worked wonders on Shilpa Shetty isn't the "abounding love and happiness" in her life. It's her husband's bank balance. Such a whole load of $$$$$ in the bank that can buy us a massive rock, honeymoon in the Caribbean, a mansion in London, a cricket team, and a flat in the tallest building in the world - all within a year of marriage - will work wonders on us too.

Then there's Priyanka Chopra. I thought that woman had something up there but seems like there's no exception to the in-Bollywood-must-be-dumb rule. After returning to Delhi from Srinagar where she was shooting for Vishal Bhardwaj’s 'Saat Khoon Maaf' she said that she was very happy to be back to ‘civilization’. She's still trying to explain that one.

While we're still on 'Saat Khoon Maaf', have you seen the promos? They're scary! Priyanka Chopra almost freaked me out. I'm really really looking forward to the movie.

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One celebrity who's pouting incessantly at the cameras, irrespective of how idiotic it makes her look, is Kareena Kapoor. Don't believe me? Check this out...



Truth be told, it's very tough to get the pout right. One needs to suck in one's cheeks just the right amount to highlight the cheekbones and accentuate the mouth, but when done excessively it can make you look like a moron. A la Miss Kapoor.

Her obsession with pouting aside, have you seen how obsessed the woman is with herself? She thinks no end of herself, is always running down her contemporaries, and can't stop singing peans of her acting abilities. This is one narcissistic woman. I don't understand how anyone can date someone who's so full of themselves. But let's not get nasty :)

According to psychoanalysis, 'narcissism' is the erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development (http://www.dictionary.com/)

Looks like someone forgot to grow up.

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Those of you who think the promotions of 'No One Killed Jessica' with the fake lesbianism angle were highly idiotic, please raise your hand (yes, we're finding everyone & everything idiotic these days....must be a phase).

First there was the mock kiss between Rani Mukerji & Vidya Balan. So passé. Besides, if you don't have the balls to go all out and kiss for real, just leave it alone. Then there were the non-stop interviews on radio & TV talking about how they pacify each other with flowers, chocolates, lingerie etc. after a lover's tiff. And then came the thumb sucking on Karan Johar's chat show. Gross.

The reason I found this entire thing idiotic is that it was completely unrelated to the movie! There's no lesbianism angle in the movie whatsoever. So this promotional strategy came out looking like a cheap way of attracting audiences to the theater. Takes away from the credibility of the movie, don't you think?

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There's a new show about to be aired on Sony TV. It's called 'Maa Exchange'. Basically the Indian version of 'Wife Swap' which has been suitably toned down to make it fit for "family viewing" in India. In line with this tempering down the focus will be on motherly duties rather than wifely ones. I think it will be quite a bizarre and entertaining show, but I cannot imagine participating in it for even a million bucs.

Picture courtesy: www.mumbaimirror.com

6 comments:

Moonshine said...

What a rocking post!!!!!!!!! Hilarious!!

And to think one of Shilpa Shetty's better films is the one in which is an AIDS patient!!!!

Kareena Kapoor - acc to BF Saif keeps admiring herself in the mirror (Karan Johar chat show)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the Vidya Balan and Rani Mukherjee thing was a bit too much!!! All it made me feel like was to give them a tight slap!!

The indianised version of wife swap would be too tempered down I think!!! Lets see.. should be interesting :)

the-mommie said...

ooh! what an informative post this was scarlett! where DID you find all of this?! lol! I'm a total bollywood junkie so this was a fun read.

quite honestly, i've never liked kajol all that much. she's a good actor but as an individual she comes across as someone worse than kareena kapoor about her narcissistic beliefs in her own acting abilities. have u seen her interview with aamir - as part of "making of fanaa"? ANNOYING!

I had no idea about the vidya-rani situation back home so when i watched kwk, i was quite taken aback at the lesbianism bsns. its more than distasteful if that's the promotion strategy they resorted to for the film.
having said that, i did find the kwk episode entertaining.

The knife said...

yes, what was the lesbianism angle? Not even linked to the story. It was the most irritating KWK episode so far

Scarlett said...

@Moonshine - Kareena Kapoor is vain & narcissistic. 'Maa Exchange' is quite scary - women from very disparate backgrounds are put into each other's houses and they have to manage/run the house for a week! Generally, a cleanliness freak will find herself in the house of a person who has pathetic hygiene standards, or someone with a very liberal husband is put into the house of a woman whose husband is a chauvinist and expects his wife to wait on him 24x7!!

@Mommie - I read alot of TP material when I need a break from work :)

@Knife - The lesbianism angle was to get male viewers to watch the movie, no doubt (No One Killed Jessica is a woman centric movie after all). But I wonder if men did get drawn to the fake lesbianism overdose - Vidya Balan & Rani Mukherjee aren't even hot enough!

mêlée said...

oh I had such good time reading this post :D:D:D
Thanks for bringing some spark to my otherwise dull, start rumour-deprived, gossipless life these days!

Supernova said...

Entertaining post!

Can't believe Kajol said something that dumb...I don't like her too much either and I seriously think her acting skills are overrated...I mean have you seen how screechy she gets whenever she's doing a dramatic scene?!

And Shilpa Shetty's manager must be a bimbette like her boss..

Vidya Balan & Rani Mukherjee behaved in an exceedingly stupid fashion too...only highlighting how desperate they are for a hit. And I think all that thumb-sucking might just have been for Karan's gratification. everyone seems to feel they have to do something weird to get noticed on KWK/ approved by Karan (e.g. Ranbir-Imran's fake smooch, Abhishek with his 'I'll do anything' story..)

Priyanka Chopra is another let-down...her "am-such-a-spunky-babe" act is really irritating now.

Am actually left wondering if there are any current Bolly actresses one can like and credit with some sense.