Thursday, July 10, 2008

Gender discrimination

People often say “God is a woman”. I say it’s BULLSHIT!!

The simple reason being that had God been a woman, she would’ve given the ovaries, the uterus, the fallopian tubes & all the other unnecessary painful things (that life could be perfectly happy without!) to men.

These are the reasons which have convinced me that God MUST be a man:

1. Men can pee standing

2. When on a journey & nature calls, they don’t have to hang on till they find an appropriate place to relieve themselves. Just about any place will do.

3. When they get a bad haircut, they don’t have to worry about their face looking too fat, or neck looking too short, shoulders looking too broad, waist/butt looking too big, thighs/calves/ankles looking too fat, toes looking chubby etc.

4. They can scratch their balls in public without anyone giving them gross looks.

5. Their best friend that dictates all their plans in life…travel plans, socializing plans, gym plans, swimming plans etc….doesn’t visit them every month

6. They don’t have to deal with things growing on their body out of the blue when they hit puberty. They’re born with whatever they will have (and need) for the rest of their lives

7. They don’t have to waste thousands of rupees over sexy fucking lingerie. BIG BIG GRIPE.

8. They don’t run the risk of getting pregnant so they never worry when they are out of protection

9. They can get mayonnaise all over their face while eating a sub or sandwich & still be called ‘cute’

10. The only work they had to do in life was in bed thanks to the Catholic Church decreeing the missionary position as the only legal position. Now they’ve found a way to evade that as well. It’s called ‘WOMAN ON TOP’

So yeah, God is a man:

1. Because it was Eve who couldn’t resist the apple. Adam was an innocent little thing who didn’t know he was blessed with a potent asset that could start an entire species. Bad, bad Eve!

2. And it was Pandora who opened the box of troubles & not her brother who shouldn’t have brought the box home in the first place

P.S.: It just dawned on me...I think the word 'evil' has come from Eve!!

6 comments:

The knife said...

ya right...men have it quite easy. We just have to manage women

Scarlett said...

That's easy! Almost all men have figured out by now which buttons to press & which ones to avoid! :)

Dusty Fog said...

I love the p.s - is it ok to agree with you on that, or will i by doing that welcome a sweetly camouflaged tirade...: )

Scarlett said...

My tirades are never sweetly camouflaged. They'll come flying right at you!! :)

Ashwin said...

Almost all men have figured out by now which buttons to press & which ones to avoid!

Hahahaha...

Wait...

you meant that seriously?

Scarlett said...

SERIOUSLY!! :)