Envy

A massive rock for engagement, a mansion in London & a holy friggin' cricket team as a wedding present, honeymoon in the Caribbean, and a flat in the tallest building in the world as a first anniversary present (just because you saw the building and wished aloud that it would be nice to have a house there!). Next is what....a private island off the coast of France? A personal jet?

Who needs love when marrying for money can be so much more rewarding?

Guess it's time to re-think my priorities!

Saying 'No' to Jeans

Sometimes you read/watch/hear people spouting such crap that you really wonder what the fuck is wrong with them!

First there was Aishwarya Rai on the season's opening episode of Koffee With Karan. Apart from giggling away to glory and talking in an accent she seems to have acquired on a trip to Mars, she was desperately trying to sound cool by trying to talk about her sex life - or the lack thereof - on TV.

I say 'lack thereof' b/c if she's anything in the bedroom like she is in front of the camera - read cold and plastic - there's not much sex that would be happening inside the bedroom.

Why would someone who comes across as icy in all her interviews and rebuffs all attempts by journalists to pry into her personal life, suddenly ask Karan Johar if she should disclose how she & her husband make out, in print? And then, when K Jo asks her which men, apart from her husband, she finds attractive, she looks horrified and wonders how she could even be asked something like that, as if answering the question would've resulted in her dying on the spot and burning in hell. Because, you know, she's a Bhartiya nari who cannot dream of any man save her husband in her wildest, wettest dreams!

For God's sake she wasn't asked to name the men, apart from her husband, that she'd jump or even consider sleeping with. She was only asked who she found attractive, and if she truly isn't attracted to any other man, she surely is frigid.

Then there was Deepika Padukone on the same show, tearing her ex-boyfriend apart b/c he cheated on her repeatedly. She went to the extent of saying that he should endorse condoms b/c he loves to use them. While her intention quite clearly was to hang him to dry in the media, what she overlooked was the possibility that by discussing his sexual escapades in public she was also shedding enough light on her sexual life, and also on the fact that she's a slow learner if not a complete dimwit.

Any woman with half a brain would know that if a man cheats on her once, he'll do so again. You forgive him once, you forgive him a second time, but if you keep taking him back again & again, it's not he who's the one with issues here - it's quite clearly you. Because you haven't learnt your lesson.

Then there's the granddaddy of all 'what the fucks' - Mr Subhash Ghai. He thinks that youngsters should not wear jeans anymore b/c jeans corrupt them.

You read it right.

Jeans. Corrupt. Youngsters.

This is the same Subhash Ghai who showed Sridevi in a swim suit in 'Karma' and Madhuri Dixit heaving her generous bosom in a barely-there choli in 'Khalnayak'. The same Subhash Ghai who raised the most profound question ever asked of Indians - choli ke peeche kya hai (what's under the blouse?).

I'm sure according to him the answer was Indian family values.

I can understand why Subhash Ghai has lost it though. If you made movies like 'Good Boy, Bad Boy', 'Apna Sapna Money Money' and 'Yuvraj' that tanked faster than the Titanic, you'd be losing it too. And thinking that a nation's character gets eroded by the kind of pants that its citizens choose to wear.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

Or maybe they're tripping on some really good stuff!!

Barbie-Meets-Blairwitch-Meets-Sweeney-Todd...

...with hideous shoes thrown in at the end. Mallika Sherawat at Cannes 2010. I am speechless.

Cannes-t Get It Right

What can I say except that it’s a shame that women who’re in the glamour industry and who have a retinue of designers and stylists designing for them and styling them, cannot get their act right. At the biggest red carpet events at that.

Aishwarya Rai’s first appearance at the Cannes Film Festival 2010 in a pale blue Elie Saab Couture gown was a disaster.

There were a number of problems with her look:

1. That gown is meant for someone thinner and more toned than Aishwarya Rai, currently. She looks like she’s gained quite a bit of weight recently, which is fine. Totally fine. But the fit of that gown is very unflattering on her. It makes her look podgy and highlights her big hips. She should’ve chosen a gown that suited her current body type better and congealed the flab.
2. The color of the gown on her skin tone, along with the mute make-up, make her look completely washed out. She should’ve gone with a pink/pink-purple lipstick. A little bit of pink, rather than nude, on the cheeks wouldn’t have hurt either. L’Oreal generally does a much better job of her as far as her make-up is concerned, so I’m surprised.
3. THE HAIR! THE HAIR!! THE HAIR!!! L’Oreal needs to shoot their stylist. NOW!

Her second appearance was MUCH better in comparison, but she still doesn’t quite cut it for me.

This gown again highlights her big hips and fully exposes her untoned shoulders/chest/arms. An off-shoulder gown with an empire waistline or a silhouette that’s more clean & structured from top to toe would be more flattering on her.

Aishwarya Rai did give us a fab look later which is up on my Ab Fab blog!

All said and done, I’m surprised that L’Oreal’s stylists mess her up so bad at Cannes almost every year. If it's not the outfit (remember the parrot green Neeta Lulla horror?), it's the hair!

I think Aishwarya Rai should seriously consider traveling with her own stylist - one who can give her an international look given that it's Cannes and she goes there as one of L'Oreal's brand ambassadors and not a representative of India/Bollywood per se. Afterall, she looks much better at events in India. Her stylists know what looks good on her and what doesn’t, where as L’Oreal’s stylists may not understand her face/body type so well given that they are more used to European/American faces & body types. And come on, after being in the industry for years, Aishwarya Rai should know what works on her & what doesn’t!

Deepika Padukone also made a Red Carpet appearance but in a sari, an off-white & gold Rohit Bal saree to be precise.

The saree itself is nothing exquisite, and it's more suitable for a formal dinner or wedding.

Secondly, it's tied too low (that large expanse of midriff does not look very elegant with a sari). The pallu is pulled up too tight and falls unevenly at the back. The blouse looks like it’ll ride up any minute! (Someone please explain to me why she's jutting her chest out in that picture?) Even her make-up is amateurish – the base is unevenly spread (notice the dark areas around her mouth).

I feel Deepika Padukone should have worn a gown on the red carpet. She has a very Western body structure – tall & lean – she would’ve looked good in a strapless gown.

What are your thoughts on these appearances?

Photo courtesy: www.highheelconfidential.com, www.rediff.com, www.24-worldnews.blogspot.com

Will They, Won't They?

Sania - Shoaib. The media is ODing on them. Their marriage is front page and “breaking” news every single day, as if there’s nothing report-worthy happening in the entire world. Bookies have ditched the IPL and are placing bets on their wedding - Rs 1.25 for every rupee if they get married, Rs 3.50 if they don’t.

The controversy has gone way beyond being absurd. It's hilarious now. I mean, who the hell ever gets married to a person he/she has never met and that too over the telephone??!! Are we living in pre-historic times? And how does marrying over the telephone work, exactly?

Then I read an article where Shoaib admitted that he went to Ayesha’s house a few times to meet her before their wedding but she was never there! Her family would make excuses for her - she had to go out of the country for some urgent work, she was having an emergency surgery yadi yada.

And he bought their stupid excuses!! Ha ha ha!!

You travel all the way to another country to meet your bride-to-be and she’s never there. Wouldn’t you be a tad bit suspicious? Just a tiny little bit, Mr Malik, not much? Didn’t a warning bell ring in your mind? Such a thing can happen once, not repeatedly. Even a dimwit will be able to see the warning signals.

Which brings me to my conclusion - Shoaib Malik is either seriously dumb or he was desperate to get married! Or both.

I think it is both. He has got to be really thick AND desperate to not have smelt something fishy in this bizarre case.

‘A’ put it beautifully. He said, “this guy is a ch***** of a different level”. It may sound crass but that’s the only word to describe Shoaib Malik. Who else will get married to a woman he hasn’t even seen, on the telephone!! I just can’t get over the hilarity of it.

I really don’t care who’s right and who’s wrong in this entire episode of telephonic shaadi (patent it Shoaib Malik before someone else beats you to it!). And now that Ayesha is claiming she also got pregnant with his child - did he even impregnate her over the telephone?? Brilliant…he should patent that as well.

If you ask me though, I think the guy could've been duped. But then, given how dumb he is/was, he totally asked for what's happening. And that's exactly what prevents me from sympathizing with him.

The question I can’t stop asking is – why is Sania Mirza getting married to this guy of all the people in the world? She is an educated, financially independent, career woman. She's a smart woman too, or at least she comes across as being one. Then why is she marrying such a stupid guy??

Maybe Shobhaa De has the answer. She thinks Sania has fallen for Shoaib’s “boyish good looks & rakish charm”.

Voila! If this is the case, I think their marriage will definitely happen on April 15th. Unless law gets in the way. Or the real Ayesha turns up! Sania Mirza is a woman in love after all, and a woman in love knows no reason, no matter how smart, practical and accomplished she is otherwise. The bookies will be better off betting on whether SRK will dance naked at the end of this IPL.

Inshallah.

Getting into my Sweats as I Type

Hi people!

Genelia D'Souza went to the gym today. So did Preity Zinta. Arjun Rampal played 2 hours of tennis in the hot Bombay sun and put up pictures of his sweaty self for us to drool over. And I'm sure everyone else worth their salt has worked out today too since they are all fitness-conscious people (weight-conscious is so passe, you know), motivated (with truckloads of money, yeah sure!) and disciplined.

So I've decided I need to go to the gym too. Today. NOW. The gym is calling out to me. I'm feelin' it. Totally. Hell, yeah! 45 minutes on the treadmill...can life get more exciting?

But before I go, let's play a fun game....Pick a list of 3-4 actors/actresses and write a line about them. It HAS to be bitchy & fun, OK? Not nice 'n' sweet. 'Coz that's passe too, you know? And boring...and sleep inducing.

Here's my list:

Deepika Padukone: All hype, no substance

Katrina Kaif: Pretty but useless

Kareena Kapoor: Majorly over-rated

Aishwarya Rai: Never seen more plastic on anyone than her. Not even on the obsessed-with-facelifts-and-boob-implants Californians.

What's on your list?

PZ on Twitter

Preity Zinta is one of the funniest celebrities to follow on Twitter, and not in a good way. Reading her updates will make you wonder if she’s become delusional.

For instance, she once tweeted that she will get back to movies once this year's IPL is over.

Err…umm…does she have anything left to get back to??

Another time, right before the Filmfare awards, she tweeted that she’s really nervous about attending the awards and that actors generally are b/c they don’t know if they’ll win!

Excuse me once again…have I been missing all the Bollywood action happening in Preity Zinta’s life? Has she been doing movies by the dozen and getting nominated for them? Have I been living in Iceland and socializing with Eskimos all the while that was happening?

She has also tweeted about how “stunning” Aishwarya Rai looked at the party hosted by Anil & Tina Ambani for the film industry a few days ago. She was talking about THIS…

Photo Courtesy: http://highheelconfidential.com

Sorry, but I find nothing "stunning" about a satin shirt from the 1960s, red 'puja' thread (why do people wear those threads...ugh!) and black pants that merge into your funny looking black boots that aren't even nice!

Ms Zinta has also been rambling on Twitter and how!

“There is so much i want to do, so much i want 2 change in this world ! Time slips away like sand through my hands . I wish i have d strength to bring about that change . "When the going gets tough the tough get going" This was what i was taught by my father . I hope i can.... I find myself 1dering if d system in r country is like quicksand . Will i be able 2 stand my ground or will i be sucked in ? Time will tell ! The past week has shaken me up as i have witnessed things that have hurt my self respect as an Indian . Is it really that easy to commit fraud and forgery and get buy your way through it in our great country . I saw it happening to a common man and it broke my heart . Today I have decided that i will be that change . I stand alone but every moment gives me strength and my resolve strengthens . Its high time now ! Actions speak louder than words ! Its time 2 get into action now ! I know the IPL is on my head, I know i am an actress with no muscle power nor pots of money to buy my way around or influence politicians... but i have the power of the truth ! good always wins over evil though ! This is probably the most challenging and redefining moment of my life . I am an eternal optimistic so on a happy note... Villians beware ! Tomorrow morning will be a bright new day ! I know the sun will shine on me ! Till then good night my friends . I think i will finally be able to sleep now ! Round one begins now ! If this was a movie then the dishum dishum time has started ;-) love you all ! ciao !"

Besides the fact that I hate SMS/Twitter lingo, is she one of those people who put a space between the last word of every sentence and the punctuation following it? Ughhh…can we have some English writing classes for Ms Zinta please? Along with a gentle reminder that Twitter isn’t the place to publish a short story or sort out the emotional turmoil going on inside of you.

And for a person who has a pretty delectable sense of style herself, maybe a refresher course in Fashion 101.

This is Hilarious

Errrr...couldn't hubby standing right next to her have pointed out that maybe she's forgotten to wear a blouse with her sari?

Coming Full Circle

I have a new job. Well, it’s not exactly new, as in I’ve worked in the same organization before, doing the same drill, though I was "lower down the food chain” as they say in corporate lingo. So yes, the work profile is different, as are the expectations from me but the heart and soul of the organization are the same.

I work in a very niche industry – market research – or “consumer insights” as they call it these days. I started off my career with traditionally the best in the business (according to me...you could argue that, I wouldn’t). After four years of learning the ropes, I decided it was time to move on to another organization, to see what else lay outside the “consumer insights” behemoth I was part of. I’m glad I experimented, for it made me realize the place I was at earlier is really the best place to be – in terms of the value they give to clients, the work culture, organizational philosophy & work life balance.

The experiment also made me realize how important it is to be in sync with the values your organization embodies and propagates. They might be doing brilliant work but unless you identify with what they stand for & believe in, it’s going to be an empty, dissatisfying journey.

On that note, can we have the ‘Welcome Back’ e-mail please? :)

*****

It’s been a while since I posted. Yeah, yeah...6 days is quite a long time for me to stay away from this blog. The absence can be explained by visiting parents, birthday celebrations in the family, the first few unsettled days into the new job etc. Now I’m back and getting used to my personal laptop once again, having relegated it to being a back-up while I was lugging around my work laptop (it had a data card for internet access which was so very convenient, where as my personal laptop has a broadband which restricted my mobility).

*****

I absolutely adored him. I do, and will always remember him best as Johnny Castle – the man who Dirty Danced like a dream, sang ‘I’ve Had The Time of My Life’ to his girl, and defined sensual love for millions of teenage girls like me.

I felt really sad when I found out he has cancer, which was a few months ago, and worse to hear of his demise. I don’t think anyone could have played Johnny Castle quite like him. Haven't seen Ghost but it's definitely on my agenda.

This tribute comes a rather belatedly due to the reasons mentioned above but Patrick Swayze, thanks for giving us the weakness-in-the-knees-inducing Johnny Castle. You will be missed. RIP.

PS: My favorite songs from ‘Dirty Dancing’ are ‘I’ve had the time of my life’ (romantic), ‘Hungry eyes’ (lustful) & ‘Hey Baby’ (playful), though I luuuuurrrrve ‘em all. Which ones are your favorites?