Monday, September 7, 2009


I am truly shocked.

A friend who’s been married for two years - and whose identity & the issue that triggered this conversation I shall not disclose on a public forum such as this - recently told me that sex is, at most, 5% of a marriage!!!!!!!!!!

Now, why would he say something like that? Is it true?

Shudder shudder!!

As it is, marriage as a concept doesn’t have too many things going for it, as far as I am concerned. I mean, what does one have to look forward to after marriage? A lifetime of waking up to the other person’s morning breath? Physical & emotional “space” issues? Regular fights because people tend to give up their respective individual social lives and become clingy & needy of their partner? Bickering about whose turn it was to do the dishes or take the trash out? Adjustment issues with respect to the in-laws? Getting "knocked up" and waddling around for nine months, time after time? Chasing the kids you produce around the house with a plateful of food so THEY can survive? Or running around like a headless chicken cleaning up after them? (If there is anything less appealing to me than the idea of marriage, it's the idea of having children!!)

I’m sure marriage has a lot of good things to offer as well – companionship & a sense of emotional security (whatever little comes with it these days) – being the biggest things. But companionship at the expense of sex…is that what I want? HELL NO!!!!!

I don’t want to be one of those people whose college-going kid says, “I don’t think my parents are doing it anymore”, or “I don’t think they get it on”, or “I don’t think they get any action anymore”....or whatever the lingo when they grow up. I want to be the person who “gets it on” with her partner even when she’s 50+, and who goes with him on romantic holidays to Greece & the South of France with their life savings even after retirement.

So all ye married people reading this, do you think my friend was right? Is sex REALLY less than 5% of a marriage???

PS: No personal examples/details solicited, just your honest opinion. And this post is not intended to offend any married people/people with children. This is my very personal take on marriage & parenthood :)

1 comment:

Moonshine said...

I read your post.. and have been pondering over how to respond!!!

I think a lot depends on the 2 individuals .. the couple.. on how they want their marriage to take shape.. with frequent or infrequent sex.. with romance.. how much time they take out for each other (genuinely, not just doing daily chores but for each other) ... marriage can be a very exciting prospect.. depending on how you and he choose to build your life together.. but it also has its phases of boredom/ fights etc that comes with every relationship!!

If you allow life (read daily struggles) to take over your life.. then yeah its routine.. though in its routineness also there is a lot of comfort and stability..

Its a tough question you ask.. i can write reams and reams of pages on this!!!!!

On the kids bit, you are right.. the way we have been brought up.. sex is meant to be something you are embarrased about.. parents doing it.. weird / gross to cant imagine it.... but then right now when i am around other married people (in my age group), they make it a point to be affectionate to each other in front of kids!!! Again, an individual thing!!!