Monday, June 15, 2009

A Gentle Reminder : Never Say Never

The man has admitted to rape in court.

Seems unbelievable, doesn't it? For as much as Shiney Ahuja claimed to be in love with his wife - who he’d apparently been seeing for a gazillion years before they got married & who stuck by him through his years of struggle etc. - he did rape his domestic help (by his own admission). How desperate does a man have to be to rape his maid? I thought it only happened in B-grade movies of the 1980s!

It’s also sad that a guy who is so talented - case in point Hazaron Khwahishen Aisi, Gangster, Life In A Metro etc. - would do something so heinous. I do think he is extremely talented & has now positively ruined his career!

Before he admitted to raping the woman, he claimed he had consensual sex with her. Rape or not, the incident reaffirms my belief that no woman can be entirely sure that her husband/boyfriend - irrespective of how committed he might seem - will never cheat on her physically and/or emotionally. We can at best hope he doesn't.

I personally have known way too many men who were married/in a committed relationship, yet cheating on their partner. For some, it was a case of “My sleeping with another woman doesn’t mean I don’t love my wife/girlfriend”. For some others it was about the girlfriend/wife being the “stability factor” in their life while they had some harmless fun on the side. As long as the wife/girlfriend doesn't know, no one's getting hurt!

I generally refrain from passing moralistic judgment on people & tagging them, so I wouldn’t go as far as calling it moral debauchery. The reality is that we’re living in an age where love, relationships & marriage are assuming a completely new & different meaning, and aren’t as sacrosanct as they used to be. It’s not important whether you & I accept this or not. Sooner or later we will be forced to. The ones that don’t will continue to live in their “My husband/boyfriend will never cheat on me” bubble while the man in question makes hay.

Many of you who read this blog are married or in a relationship. This post is not meant as an offence to anyone. I’m not implying that all husbands/boyfriends are cheats. All I’m saying is that it is a real possibility & it’s true for women as well, though to a lesser extent. What holds women back slightly, according to me, is that they are biologically programmed to be monogamous (where as men are not) & socially conditioned to center their entire attention & emotions on the one man in their lives.

I guess the wisest thing to do would be to be mentally prepared to deal with such a crisis in one's life if it ever arises, while secretly hoping it doesn't. And hope floats...or does it?


Moonshine said...

Totally agree with what you are saying... especially the bit about physical and emotional bit. In this day and age, the the level of contact with the opposite sex is fairly high. And drawing that line between right and wrong is even more tougher.. as it is not about the "physical relationship" anymore!

Scarlett said...

@Moonshine - "Right" & "wrong" are something that we define, and convention says the "right" thing to do after marriage is to stay faithful to your partner. But with the continuous opening up of society, people have also started questioning conventional norms, and come to think of it, we do spend more waking hours outside our homes with other people than at home with our partner. It's so strange yet true.