Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Randomness

Don't have anything particular to write about but am feeling funny & random, so I guess randomness is the order of the day.....

(Warning : This post has adult content but parts of it are fit to be read even by children under 5 years of age)

  • Don’t give advice to people in need when you have loads of work/are getting late for something. They will keep explaining their situation to you, will not leave you alone & you will get irritated (happened to me just yesterday)
  • Climbing ten flights of stairs after lunch (or anytime)…..BAD IDEA
  • Do not support boss while he’s playing TT. It won’t earn you any brownie points
  • More importantly, don’t TELL boss you’re supporting him for brownie points!!
  • People with bad hand-eye coordination (such as me) should not try to play TT. We should stick to carrom
  • If you complete your work before time, don't tell boss you are done with it. You will get dumped with more work. Sit on it, hatch eggs, take a print-out & dress it up if you want! But don’t tell boss
  • Male bosses are nice :)
  • Clothes become tight when you become fat
  • Remember people’s birthdays. Sometimes really cool things can happen. Like two of your closest friends can share the same birthday (double celebrations, right?) while you remain oblivious to it
  • Olympics is cool
  • Expect to see interviews of Abhinav Bindra’s maid, dhobi, milkman, newspaper delivery boy, even his dog (if they can make him talk) on TV over the next few weeks
  • Do NOT expect the Abhinav Bindra euphoria to last beyond the next One-Day/T20 cricket series involving India
  • If you’re a chick, you can go from ‘ecstatic’ to ‘manic depressed’ (or from +1098765432 ft. to -9908765324 ft.) in 0 seconds on certain days of the month. F*cks you up, I tell you!!
  • If you have a phone that needs to be charged everyday, charge it. Or carry your charger with you. 'Coz without a phone you will feel decapitated. Then don't tell me I didn't warn you!!
  • If you drink water straight out of a bottle, learn to drink without spilling it on to your blouse. Wet boobs = Men will stare
  • Nevermind. Boobs = Men will stare
  • It’s nice when you get caught unsuspecting in the rain sometimes
  • Sometimes you just need that bar of chocolate or that chocolate pastry...or those bitchass stilletoes...or that blinggg handbag...or that sexy halter...okay, so you get the drift :)
  • Good work/fast work attracts more work. Learn to chill in life if you’re done with your work. Life is beautiful
  • You’re never too fresh from a holiday for another break
  • You’re never too tired to complete one more slide if it involves being able to avoid a working weekend!!
  • Do not play cricket if you don’t know how. Especially with boys. The ball will come flying from nowhere…front, back, side, below, above…and give you bruises. And if you DO play with boys, be ready to get bruises.
  • On another note, life is ALWAYS headed SOMEWHERE. It’s never directionless. You might not know where it’s going…you’re not God…or forces…or a spirit (whatever you believe in)…but it IS most definitely taking you somewhere (that you will know in good time).
  • There are some things in life that are perfect the way they are. For everything else, there's Austin Powers!!
  • There is always a time & a place for everything
  • Including sex. It’s called ANYTIME and ANYWHERE!!! :D
  • There’s no concept of ‘always’ or ‘forever’ in love
  • Life goes on
  • Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? He stole the cookie from the cookie jar. Who me? Yes you! Couldn't be! Then who?
  • Mommie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Twinkle twinkle little star...How I wonder what you are...
  • Not everyone who says they love you, do. At the same time, if someone doesn’t say they love you often enough does not mean they don’t. Look out for actions
  • Is this mating season for dogs? I've been seeing dogs mating on the streets everywhere!!
  • Dogs are cool. Cats are NOT
  • Cats are evil, evil things
  • Pigeons are shit birds. All they know is to eat, rotate their heads on their imaginary axis & shit on poor hapless people. They should just die!!
  • So should rats, lizards & cockroaches
  • We should love animals
  • Don’t lie. Just tell people the f*cking truth or you'll have major ass-covering to do later
  • A squint can be cute if it's on a cute guy ;-)
  • You never know who will walk into your life & when! It's one of those random, bizarre, crazily insane, psychotic, inexplicable occurences in life!!
  • Mumbai is the coolest city in India. No other city comes even close
  • Never let go of a guy that can give you 'The Big O'. There are plenty of nice, understanding, caring, sensitive, funny, honest, intelligent men in this world but it's very difficult to find a man who can help you reach 'The Big O'

5 comments:

Moonshine said...

Its hilarious.. just read it twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The knife said...

jqfmahaven't come across so much wisdom in one place since I saw Kung Fu Panda :)

Scarlett said...

@ Moonshine - I was in a random mood :)
@ The Knife - You're most welcome!! :)

Ashwin said...

Clothes become tight when you become fat = Men will stare
Wet boobs = Men will stare
Boobs = Men will stare
Climbing ten flights of stairs = panting = Men will stare
get caught unsuspecting in the rain sometimes = Men will stare

It's eveil the kind of control you people have over us

Ashwin said...

evil*